goodbye sad 2011~^^

2012

在这里，我祝大家新年快乐~把2011 年不愉快的事情给忘了，开心地迎接新一年。这一点，我做到了^^ 很多人可能好奇我为何到现在没有女友。我现在澄清，其实，我是拥有过的。可惜的是，在一起的时间太短了。我尊重她的理由，所以决定放下一段时间，也很天真地希望有一天她会再给我机会。但是，我感觉上是被玩弄了。这接近七个月以来，我尝试见她，找她，很想跟她说话。可是，命运真的是在玩弄我，我没有一次是真正见到她。更令到我想不到的事，她变了。这是真的……我所认识的她，不像她了……以前我们都很多话讲……久而久之，突然变得很陌生……感觉上，以前的她，已经死了。其他的，我不方便说了。因为尊重她，我决定在今年开始，放下她吧^^2011年的最后一天，我喝了醉酒……这是我从戒酒的前几年开始，第一次喝的醉。这是因为喝了醉酒，我可以把心中的每句真心话,都说了出来。这一天过后，我感到很舒服。我可以很彻底地改变自己，成为以前的我。 以后的恋情，是看在缘分了。有可能会是她？也有可能会是别人吗？我不清楚……我只知道，当初幼稚的我，经过每一段错误，现在成熟了。我不会把期望放太高，只希望以后会遇到懂得爱我与珍惜我的人^^


学业方面，我还是决定要离开马六甲一段时间，去别个地方求学。虽然之前很想在马六甲发展，但是由于觉得自己还很嫩，所以我应该要去别个地方，尝试外面的生活，才来决定要怎么发展。另一个原因也是因为我想把这里的伤心事给忘掉，所以才会这么决定。


14-16 号要到新加坡旅游了~这是我有生以来，第一次用户照出国~虽然是在马六甲的新加坡公司工作，但是有时候也很好奇新加坡是个怎样的国家。我希望今年可以顺顺利利，过完这一年吧~^^

last time vs present~

morning-

last time- sleep until at least 9-12pm, get ready for class, hanging out with friends.

now- sleep until almost 7am, wash up, get ready to work.



afternoon-

last time- finish class, having high-tea with friends, until evening.

now- working/ take some break alone.


evening-

last time- going to swim, gym work out, badminton, futsal.

now- lying down on bed after finish work, ready to take dinner and sleep straight.


party-

last time- will organize with friends and enjoy it fun.

now- only will join party if friends organize by their own/ depends on mood sometimes.



dinner with family-

last time- before dinner, will ask friends where to play. after dinner, will go meet them straight.

now- before dinner, will wait my mom and take dinner together. after dinner, will accompany her to hypermarket or any where else./ spend more time with her.


eager-

last time- wish that will have a girl friend, having sweet romance date, and married at last.

now- after achieved, feel that i am not suitable for these things now. i much prefer to do something best to my mom now, as my father failed to do so previously.


dreams-

last time- can be a perfect scrip writer, director.

now- can be success in everything, including careers, love.


friendship-

last time- many friends can be asked for outing.

now- depends on moods either stay at home/ outing.


communication-

last time- don't like to talk with strangers.

now- knowing more peoples is good for own future.


critics-

last time- will never accept someone critics/ stubborn with own decisions.

now- will learn everything from mistakes/just accept.


activity-

last time- while already thinking want to hanging out with family, but suddenly has get invited by friends for badminton, will join the game for surely.

now- when going to accompany family for dinner, will ignore those invitation such as badminton, movies, and everything that will spoiled for me to accompany my family.


career-

last time- wish that can get a good paid job, and work for the rest of life.

now- never ever thinking about to work like a slave forever!



trust-

last time- will trust those are really trust-able.

now- trust my self~^^



love-

last time- will only love the first, and wish that she will be the last.

now- waiting for miracle^^

出路

最近我的生活是，起床，跑步，做工，回家，找朋友，睡觉……这种生活，真的是闷死了。虽然说我很大的可能会在我的工作合约结束之后，就专注摄影的事业了。不过，最近想了又想，也觉得不太对劲。因为话说回来，虽然这是我创业的开始，但是我还是会想一下未来是怎样的。接触摄影，老实说，我喜欢。不过，我能够接触多久呢？再说，我们能不能肯定，未来的几年后，我们当中会不会有人离伙，去向另一兴趣发展？这是非常难说的，因为我们都还年轻，也会随着年龄而改变想法的。虽然说创业的好就是不用替人家打工，但是到了一个地步，一个时期，那些难题就很难说了。或许我时常好奇为何很多人明知读书无论学历有多高也好也要打工，他们还是不理的呢？为何有机会创业，他们也不会珍惜呢？所以，现在，我找到答案了。他们不是不要创业，而是要一个保障。因为这个年代，创业的人越多，面对的失败也很多，烦恼也更多，债务也不必说了。当初我决定不想读书了，因为觉得很浪费时间。可是近来看到了一些障碍，也察觉到如果不拿高一点的文凭的话，我的未来也会受损的。

当年看到自己的爸爸创业失败不少次，也因为没有高学历，所以也非常难翻身。加上，不少的亲友也劝我趁年轻时，拿多一个文凭来给自己一个保障。起初我完全不理的，不过，因为我觉得未来是很难预测的，我最近终于决定了，等合约结束后，我想要半工半读了。今年二十一岁，读到完也差不多二十三到二十五岁了。但是如果是半工半读的话，那是对我未来绝对没问题的。我希望这次的决定，可以给我很大的改变了。加油吧！

a song that could describe my feeling- wait for you

I never felt nothing in the world like this before
Now I'm missing you
& I'm wishing that you would come back through my door
Why did you have to go? You could have let me know
So now I'm all alone,
Girl you could have stayed
but you wouldn't give me a chance
With you not around it's a little bit more then I can stand
And all my tears they keep running down my face
Why did you turn away?

[Bridge]

So why does your pride make you run and hide?
Are you that afraid of me?
But I know it's a lie what you keep inside
This is not how you want it to be

[Chorus]

So baby I will wait for you
Cause I don't know what else I can do
Don't tell me I ran out of time
If it takes the rest of my life

Baby I will wait for you
If you think I'm fine it just ain't true
I really need you in my life
No matter what I have to do I'll wait for you

[Verse 2]

It's been a long time since you called me
(How could you forget about me)
You got me feeling crazy (crazy)
How can you walk away,
Everything stays the same
I just can't do it baby
What will it take to make you come back
Girl I told you what it is & it just ain't like that
Why can't you look at me, your still in love with me
Don't leave me crying.

[Bridge]

Baby why can't we just start over again
Get it back to the way it was
If you give me a chance I can love you right
But your telling me it wont be enough

[Chorus]

So baby I will wait for you
Cause I don't know what else I can do
Don't tell me I ran out of time
If it takes the rest of my life

Baby I will wait for you
If you think I'm fine it just ain't true
I really need you in my life
No matter what I have to do I'll wait for you

[Bridge]

So why does you pride make you run & hide
Are you that afraid of me?
But I know it's a lie what your keeping inside
Thats not how you want it to be

Baby I will wait for you
Baby I will wait for you
If it's the last thing I do

[Chorus]

Baby I will wait for you
Cause I don't know what else I can do
Don't tell me I ran out of time
If it takes the rest of my life

Baby I will wait for you
If you think I'm fine it just ain't true
I really need you in my life
No matter what I have to do I'll wait for you

I'll Be Waiting.

决定

最近被工作忙到喘不过气。虽然开始习惯了，可是，想了很久，这完全不是我想要的生活。现在的我是在新电讯（singtel)工作，是新加坡有名的电讯公司。听起来很有名，不过，是被人家“赞”到有名，所以被人家“赞”的那种滋味，久而久之会麻木了。虽然那里的同事很好相处，都会互相帮忙，不过，我唯一不满的是，工作时间太长。最近几乎每一天我得加班，加到我快疯了，压力也开始大了。就如最近一些朋友说的，我不像以前那么自由，开朗，搞笑了。现在的我简直就像被绑着的哈巴狗，只顾着打工，连身边的亲友最近怎样了，我完全一无所知。当初，很多人觉得帮新加坡公司打工很有前途，有保障，而且有文凭的话，根本不用怕找不到工作。这句话，没错，有文凭真的什么都可以。但是，别忘了，如果只顾着有这种想法，这也会让自己的梦想破灭。我从杂工，化为粗工，再化为推销，直销，网销，以及现在的客户服务员。很多亲友觉得，可以和新电讯打工很不错了。因为在那里打工要会讲英文，以及容忍的态度。在那里短短的一个月，已经让我有所觉悟了。钱是万万不能，但是梦想也不可以弄丢。当初我觉得要创业，一定要等十年。可是现在，我不要十年了。我需要十个月，或最快的话，十个星期！

因此，为了梦想，为了将来，我决定要争取机会，别再让它溜了。只要还年轻，不肯放弃，向前走，梦都会成真。所以，同伴们，加油吧！为了我们的将来！

创业 vs 打工

最近我当上了监制与录影师的学徒。虽然没有固定的收入，也没有固定的工作时间，但是我还是对这些兴趣感到满意。听师傅说，在这半年里面，他希望我们三个可以学完所有的录影技巧，然后接下来的，就是我们取代他完成所有录影的工作。不过，他希望的就是，当他要我们到的时候，我们一定到。也就是说，我就算在这段时间找到了工作，也得安排我自己的时间。这是我最近有点烦的原因。打工的话，我必须选择放弃一些时间在录影。选择录影的话，我的收入会很不固定。虽然工作的收入会比较固定和比较高一点，不过我的时间很没有自由，而且要创业的路很更远。如今，师傅决定要投资我们三个。他不会那么随便接受任何人当他的学徒。他会选择我们，是因为我们的作品有看头。所以，他让我们提早创业。他会把所有的经验与技巧交给我们，再提供一些器材给我们。这是个很好的开始，也是很好的学习时间。下个星期，就是我们帮人家录影结婚mv了。虽然我们没有那么多的经验，不过，只要尽力而为，收获也不小了。

梦想与兴趣，就在这个时候开始了。加油~

life

this afternoon, i saw a forum about steve jobs, the founder of apple company. he said something that impress me, if today will be the first day, or maybe also the last day of you, what should you do? he added that, after he get fired from his own company, he give some speech in an university. that time, a girl that let him feel interest, also listen to his speech. after the speech, he try to ask the girl whether can he dine with her or not. however, he had to attend a meeting after the speech and it's important for him. anyway, when he think that, if today will be last day that he met the girl, how will he feel in the future? he forget about the meeting and he tried to arranged all his time to date the girl. that girl, is his wife now. this story let me feel impressive. ^^

and during evening, i went to a restaurant with my family to celebrate my brother birthday. after celebrate with him, i am going to new jusco for watching a movie. that time, i just ride my motorcycle as usual. suddenly, when i am on the way to the place, there is a motorcycle comes out suddenly without notice that i am coming from behind. i banked the behind, and i fly away and bank toward an avanza. in that moment, i am asking my self, when i fall down there, will i get up again? will i survive after this serious accident? and my helmet also fly away from my head. i didn't feel anything at first, just feel very blur, and straight get up and walk slowly there. i didn't notice everything and i just phone to my brother that i am involving with an accident, and i am telling my friends that i can't watch movie with them as this accident was too serious. i feel very blur and dizzy that time when i am heading to hospital. i lost all my strength and sense when i am lying down on the bed there.

in that moment, i think back the forum that i read just now about steve jobs. i think about my mom, my family suddenly when they are here together with me. and, i think back my father. is he pushing me so that i won't bank to the car just now? because during that accident, i am closing my eyes and i feel that i will fly to the car. but, i didn't. when i opened my eyes, the car is beside me with my motorcycle. i am also glad that my head didn't knock everything when my helmet fly away from my head. the conclusion is, i really scared. i scared that my life will be ended in this way. i prayed hard to god after discharged from hospital.

the last thing what i am stating about steve jobs story with this accident is related actually. when i am dizzy, i am thinking of someone that left me few months ago. i don't know why i will feel like that when i am already decide don't want to think about HER anymore so that i can concentrate with everything that i want to do now until i wish that something wonderful will happen in the future that everything will come back to me. i am looking to my phone, facebook, and think that, should i tell her, in that few seconds that almost cost my life, i miss her? i don't know but, if she has read this, don't need reply or tell me anything. i will be fine and the main thing is, good luck for everything to you^^

interest vs better job~ 兴趣 vs 更好的工作

i just graduated from college and finish my diploma in E-business. the good thing is, finally i can leave this college and don't need to study anymore. the bad thing is, i have to independent without anyone helps anymore to find a job. i am searching for a better job nowadays that related with my course. however, it's quite difficult to find especially in higher paid. this is what i am searching at first. the first job that i worked after graduate was LOLLA SDN.BHD, a chemical factory that produce cleaning products that owned by YB Goh Leong San of DAP. he wanted me to learn everything at there but he discourage me to work there forever because it's not worth at all. the first few days i worked, it's quite okay for me because i learnt a lot there. however, a week later, i feel my old injured part at my leg suddenly pain again. and that few days, i had to walk slowly and always hesitate, should i continue before it get worse? after few days, i finally decided, i will resign to recover my leg. plus, i feel that chemical, is not a kind of thing that i really want to learn even though i know a lot there. anyway, the main conclusion is, i can't carry any heavy things anymore.

i try to find a better job. however, when i read a book that the title is "martial arts movie secret", my mind has changed. inside the book, it wrote down those martial artist and director stories such as jackie chan, sammo hong, yuen biao, donnie yen, tsui hark, john woo and more. all their life, almost same with mine. as they said, they choose this way, making movie was based with their interest. when they were young, they didn't deserve anything. especially some of them that worked in high paid company that made them lost their way, they choose to quit their better job to pursue their dream as film maker. as they said, they didn't get anything better for their first few films as their experience and popularity was still poor. however, they never give up yet. they always try to change and let everything better in every new film of them and finally they deserve all the best.

this is what i am going to think now, if i choose any better job, i have to work like a slave forever. plus, i am going to handle those big debts that i can't afford at all. my dream and interest will just gone easily. if i choose interest job about video shooting, maybe i can't earn any high paid. but, what i can earn is, experience. at least, all these experiences was what i want to deserve rather than in any better job. i love video shooting and always want to shoot any video that could become a short video clip or short movie.

maybe my mom will discourage me to choose this way but, i am only 21 years old now. even though i will failed also, just take it as experience. because, this is my interest rather than any better job that could let me live like inside hell. plus, if someday i really deserve the best with this interest, i will start to do my own business that related with what i studied in college. this is my plan and this time, i want to let it work! ^^

dream~梦想

我的梦想很简单，但是很不容易办得到。凭我一个人的能力，绝对不可能完成的。这个梦想是，我想篇写故事，然后让它出现在荧幕上，让所有人欣赏。这是我从小到大的一个梦想。每当我这么说的时候，很多人会批评，叫我别发梦了！没钱没才华，别学任何明星这样做个明星梦！这些话，我到现在还记得。因为，今天，我要让这些话，永远在我心里消失！我承认，我小时候没任何潜能，只会发梦，整天只会想有等于没有的东西。但是也因为如此，我平时无论写作文还是日记，我都会写得很根据我的想象力。虽然每次被老师与同学批评很无聊，但是，我很天真地说，那是我的作风。我超喜欢武打片，所以我很喜欢想象自己写几部属于自己的武打片，然后拍成短片或电影，让大家观看我的作品。以前老实说，拥有摄影机的人不多，再加上很多东西不够先进，所以我以前只可以发梦。现在，梦，随时都可以成真。我认识了最佳伙伴因为我们都拥有共同的兴趣。

我们的第一个作品，就是站在台上做个现场表演。那时候是我们第一次表演，而且是表演功夫。由于练习的时间很逼紧，所以我只可以写很简单的功夫表演，再和没太多功夫经验的朋友们一起表演。当天的表演，因为某个“垃圾乐队”表演的过度无聊，导致现场观众闷到离开了。当我们开始表演的时候，现场很清静。我和朋友们投入了这个表演，好让观众们欣赏。虽然观众不多，但是他们还是很开心的观看我的作品。表演的过程中，由于发生了一点错误，我还是很坚持地演完它。我承认表演结束过后，我到厕所发泄我的脾气。因为，本来要让百多名观众欣赏的我，竟然因为“垃圾乐队”，导致观看的观众不到一百个。彩排了两个月，虽然得到的掌声是热烈的，不过我们都知道，如果我们先表演的话，我们是全场最热门的。





本来今年很想再表演的。不过，我们都毕业了。我们不会再表演，因为我们要拍戏多过于表演~如今我向很多摄影师，导演，监制等人指教与学习关于电影学。我们拍的戏不是很够理想，但是我看到的是，我们在成长，进步。我们还年轻，所以还有很多东西是要学的~最近有新作品要开拍了。祝我们成功吧~

target~

this is my target for,

2011- graduated and find a better job~
- deserve the first car~
- take the first flight in my life~
- become the main scriptwriter for the new channel that created with friends~
- try to play better in melaka close 2011~
- researching jeet kuen do~

2012- find a better job at other state if malacca is not a good place to work~
- having trip to taiwan~
- having a body like donnie yen~XDXDXD
- try to play better in MMU Master~
- learning how to live tough and be mature~

2013......

long way to go~ i will write it next year if everything can just go through~ ^^

and......

2018- i deserve everything what i demand~^^

natural~

natural life, is what i love the most in this earth. it made me feel free, peace, no more stress, and it's really let me feel better. i went to sagil with friends and for me, it's really perfect! the waterfall there is wonderful. it's cold and never get polluted at all. it's really the best place as i ever went. i went there about ten more years ago with family but we just played at the waterfall at the below part. but today, i went there with friends and we went to the highest place by walking. when we reach almost the quarter part there, we stopped and play at the waterfall there. i can feel everything there was truly natural. it's very nice place to visit!

interesting~

i had a dream. i want to become an actor, scrip writer, and director. i like to create storyboard with my own creative way. normally, i will write those story that much involve in action mode and dramatic mode. maybe i have no chance to do all these stories into video. however, since i know some close friends that same hobby and interest with me, my dream for this might be come true.

when i am acting, i will forget my own personality. i will focus on the character that i am acting as. my demand for every movement is also high. if every scene has not reach my demand, my temper will be show out easily as i am really stress for it. that's why some of my friends said i behave like bruce lee when his movie can't reach to his target. nowadays, i am writing some script that is going to be shot lately. maybe in malaysia, we can't be success easily with own movie making. however, i decided to post it at internet such as youtube and facebook. i wish that everyone can watch it and give some comment for it.

i wish that god could bless me for my this project so that i can go through for everything that i done.^^

success~

success~ is what everyone aiming in their life. they want a perfect career(millionaire), nice car(ex: lamborghini, ferrari), nice partner(ex:some kind like megan fox), nice house(ex:bungalow), nice life and everything that wonderful for them. so do i, i don't need any nice thing, just need my life be in perfect and no more stressful and demands. i just need a normal life that without any stress and not complicated at all. i need a normal car that don't need too nice, ex: viva. i need a partner that love me without care about my financial. i need a house that doesn't need too big but just it's enough to live for my family. i need a nice life but without any problem that too complicated and also everything that could be simple and peaceful for me. i demand for this simple life rather than wealthy life that i had before.

i want to be success of course. but, i had to take a very long time to reach that goal. my target is i wish that i can get all of these things when i was 27 years old and don't need wait too long. i never think too far because i always failed when i did that. so, i prefer to choose aim this simple life first. after i did that, i will think a new way. life is complicated for everyone. but for me, we can made it simple. just do what we wanted it's because, it's life! just enjoy it before the end!

daily meal vs diet~

when i am 102 kg(2005-06), my daily meal was:

breakfast: oat



lunch: wheat bread




dinner: 1/4 bowl of rice with vegetables



plus:

morning 5 am and evening 5pm jogging




evening 7pm badminton or football








i did all of this for half year and i lost 24kg totally.

i didn't own my picture on that time. anyway, this is the most toughest thing that i ever done in my life.



2008

i am getting fatter since a lot of things happened to me and my weight almost reach to 90kg. when i am fully recovered, i started to control all my meal and do many kind of exercises. i did it again this time~


2009

after chinese new year, my weight increased and quite scary. i started to swim and do a lot of gym workout and finally i am getting fitter.



2010-2011

because of a lot of stressful things, my weight suddenly uncontrollable. anyway, i decided to use my own new way to get diet again~ wish that i can do it^^

what am i learning?

what am i doing when i:

0 years old, just born, drinking, and sleeping until grow up.

1 years old, learning how to walk and eat.

2 years old, learning how to run and talk.

3 years old, learning how to play.

4 years old, learning how to read and watch tv.

5 years old, learning how to write, get scold, get cained and find fault.

6 years old, learning how to make friends and play basketball.

7 years old, learning how to study, farming and cycle.

8 years old, learning how to jogging and play video games.

9 years old, learning how to "shift" anywhere.

10 years old, learning how to speak proper chinese, karate, and play computer games.

11 years old, learning how to lie

12 years old, learning how to say goodbye for those friends that graduate together from primary school.

13 years old, learning how to angry, fight, ride motor and driving.

14 years old, learning how to be friendly, control temper, work and no more crying.

15 years old, learning how to be crazy with those friends and be smart.

16 years old, learning how to be tough, play football and badminton.

17 years old, learning how to study hard, work hard, emotions and beware to peoples.

18 years old, learning how to behave, patience, gym workout, and fashion.

19 years old, learning how to swim, planning, and become myself.

20 years old, learning everything that useful in future, confident, and cool down always.

21 years old, learning how to face my future start from now on~ today i am still a loser, but tomorrow, i still will get up, and fight for everything that i want to get. ^^

practical training life~

this is my life currently: wake up, wash up, breakfast, pray, get ready to work, stay inside the shop, facebook whole day, dismiss from work, dinner, sleep and wait for next day.....

thats all~=.='''