my grandma, suppose to be 80 years old in this year. nowadays, she suffered a lot of sick, and deaf which she cant hear at all. maybe i can feel that she is waiting the time comes, which we already ready for it. what i can know is, since my uncle and dad passed away consecutively in 10 years which between 1994 and 2004, her mentality is always unstable, and suffered a lot of misery, which she has no more son at all. we always tried to cheer her up. but, non of our way is useful to make it done. she always try to find a stupid way to commit suicide, or let her own self get ill to be suffer. sometimes we feel fed up on her behavior, which we could not accept, until we almost give up on her. and since she behave in that way, i seldom talk to her. it not because i dont want to talk with her, but no matter how loud i talk, she cant listen at all, which she is deaf now. and for this, will let her misunderstood that i am shouting and disrespect her. however, i still love her. she is the only person which could let us exist until now.
until few days ago, my brother call to my mom, said that she has been send to hospital, due to her leg feel pain and unable to walk at all. the doctor said her bone is swelling, and the worst is she might need to use wheelchair for entire of her life. she is very weak now, and illness is always approaching her. and until today morning, we discuss seriously about, because our aunties are getting older now, and might not able to take care of grandma anymore, which we only have 2 choices left. first choice, send her back to our home here, and hire a maid to take care of her until.... and 2nd choice is, send her to old folk house, which there is a lot of peoples will take care of her. for me, i will never choose 2nd, because i did promise to my dad before, take good care of grandma, no matter how worst is the situation.
this is what we agree, and just try our best to do it. and now, the worst thing that always annoying me is, the house that i stayed now, is going to be sell soon. we still dont know whether the new owner will let us stay or not. plus, the house agent bring peoples to view our house everyday, and we feel annoying. and my bro said, if this house suitable to stay, why not we continue to stay, since the luck in tgis house has changed us a lot. maybe the price they sell was too high, but we just need to nego with the owner, so that we can buy this house. i dont know what to do, but what i can comment is, i am very tired of shifting house. mean that, i dont want to shift like slave again, just in case if i get a better house. this is what we facing nowadays, and i wish that everything can be go through.
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